Heading for the Hills

I have had several moments of profound and utter sadness and homesickness. I guess that this is normal - I mean, it's been a month since leaving my home of 12 years. There is a tendency in situations like these to idealize one's former life. Literally, I have caught the following words running through my head: "Why did I have to go and screw things up. I had a PERFECT life." What??? If it was so perfect, dear, why did it even occur to you to leave? Of course, I know this is not true. But it was known and there are so many unknowns here. I'm already weary of being in transition mode but, what little certainty and structure I have had is about to change. My job is about to become a travelling crisis mental health person. For the last few weeks since I started, I've been reporting to a mental health center but the state is requiring us to "hit the road" and be more accessible to the rural populous. What that means is I may end up the day right up against the Tennessee or Georgia border, over two hours from my (sister's) home. So, I could end work at 8:30pm, not make it home until 10:30 pm and have to turn around and leave for work around 6:45 pm. Of course, this would just be three days in a row. So, I'm trying to find a place to catch some zzzz's and take a shower out in the hinterlands. That also means that I would not see the dogs for three days and, truth be known, that is what scares me the most. I'm very dependent upon them for love, grounding, giving care, fun, hugs and more. I also know how much my older girl Kali pines for me when I'm not around. Just the thought of it makes my heart ache. If all of this change wasn't enough, my sister and I had talked about me moving out by April 1st. I am looking forward to us having our own place though...