Late entry: Heading West, July 21st

I’m sitting here at O’Hare waiting for my plane which is, of course, delayed. I’m so excited to be going home to Seattle. Just the fact that I phrased it that way should tell me something but, well, does it? But, even so, I can see how living in NC has changed me….for the better. As I find myself wandering through these airport terminals, I no longer feel the normal Seattle-esque inclination to I want to be invisible, not talking to anyone. That was never my natural way, anyhow. I feel an openness, a willingness to look people in the eye and smile, chatting when the opportunity presents itself. I have promised myself that if I do move back I refuse to crawl back into that ubiquitous passive-aggressive, “I don’t see you,” Seattle social attitude. I’m going to be warm and friendly, continue to look people in the eye, connect and share openly who I am. It always amazes me how traveling to a different place or, in this case living in a different place, somehow seeps in through one’s pores in ways that are hard to identify or define. And, you might not even realize these very subtle changes unless you leave that place. Somehow, there is a different filter or sensibility or orientation that colors the way one perceives every other place. In fact, one of the ways to begin to define where one has been living and how it feels to be there is to leave and go elsewhere. I thought I was leaving Asheville on this trip in order to see what I really feel about Seattle. But now I see that by leaving Asheville, I will have the opportunity to have perspective on that life. The cornball, cheesy song that is running through my head right now is, “Torn Between Two Lovers.” I mean, why is it expected that we have to like living in one place. Why can’t it be two…or even three? Why does one place have to “win,” and be THE CHOICE? I guess it basically comes down to finances. If I had lots of money and didn’t have to be dependent upon work, I could actually live in multiple places. And, if I am truly honest with myself, that is what I really want, although I think I’d like to add one place to the mix…Northern New Mexico. So how to make that work….or is it worth it….or even feasible....?

It is undeniable that the NC land, beauty, cheapness, friendliness, accessibility, lack of traffic-ness is creeping under my skin, into my heart and consciousness. The warm, rich, deep fragrances of this morning, over at the park, sweet and heavy with honeysuckle and wild raspberries, are precious and fine. It literally makes me want to sob with the beauty of it all. The soft curving lines reaching towards the sky, the dark hollows and winding dirt roads heading off around the bends and disappearing…oh, it is just too wonderful. The land beckons to me…discover me, find me, love me. And I do. And I will. When I get back from Seattle.